The Gift of Surrender

"They knew" 

Image courtesy of De Leon Moving Pictures.

Amber pictured with Deuce at Equine Voices Rescue & Sanctuary. 

"To the ego mind, surrender means giving up.  

To the spiritual mind, surrender means giving in and receiving." 

~ Marianne Williamson, from her book The Law of Divine Compensation

On Sunday, June 30th, 2013, I received a gift. 

I had done everything I could to avoid doing the Raise Me Up video shoot that day. We had the hottest month of June on record in southern Arizona. And that specific weekend was projected to be the hottest weekend of the entire summer. I had no idea how I was going to pull off a weekend of sleep deprivation, four back-to-back gigs, 50+ miles of travel in between them, 100 more miles for the Sunday morning gig, a visit to my stylist and then another 50 mile trek to Equine Voices Rescue & Sanctuary for a Sunday afternoon video shoot. 

     It's a good thing my woe-is-me mind is not in charge. 

I had called director Marcus De Leon several nights before, more or less begging him to reschedule the shoot until September. I had it all figured out...it'd be cooler, less stressful and the monsoons would add a beautiful backdrop. When he explained to me that he had an entire cast and crew with heavy equipment lined up and that rescheduling was not an option, I realized that my only option left was...

     Well...to surrender...

And pray that I would maintain grace and music-video-composure amidst the sweltering heat of the desert.

I arrived on scene that afternoon relieved and grateful. Everything had gone smoothly, I was still awake, no travel issues, weekend gigs / hair / make-up schedule successfully accomplished, and I had remembered my boots.

Soon after arrival, clouds to the west began to build and grow dark and looming among the Santa Rita Mountains. 

I kept thinking, "This is strange...monsoon season hasn't started yet, and only a 'hottest weekend of the summer' was in the forecast." 

Then the wind picked up, the temperature dropped, and a very recognizable scent of moist creosote wafted our way. Sheets of rain engulfed the mountains. Lightening came, thunder followed. 

Everyone commented about how magnificent our unexpected "free" special effects were...

     And that we better expedite the shoot. 

So we grabbed one camera and rushed over to the open space where the horses roam in the sanctuary. 

As I began to sing, two horses gathered around me. They were two of the original foals that were rescued when the sanctuary was started. They had been offspring of mares who were used in the Premarin industry and were headed to slaughter when the sanctuary intervened to rescue them. 

They stared at me intently. I felt like they saw into my soul and that we had some kind of agreement...to be right here, right now, making this song and video together...to share this deep sense of compassion, peace and healing with the world. 

     The connection didn't end.

As I let the last chord and word ring out, one of the horses put his head towards mine. We both leaned in and rested our foreheads upon each other...for what appeared as only a moment on the outside, but from within, it felt like eternity.  

     I could hear Marcus repeating, "Don't cut, don't cut, keep it rolling." 

When we finally did "cut," the staff and crew said, "It's like they knew..." and almost as if in agreement, a big gust of wind blew through casting dust and rain upon us. 

The encore of the season's first monsoon had arrived - despite the forecast, despite my worry. And in its grandiose production, all that was required of me was to show up and play my role. 

Indeed, these four-legged sentient beings, my brothers, with whom I walk upon the earth, did know.

"Sharing soul"

Image courtesy of De Leon Moving Pictures

taken at Equine Voices Rescue & Sanctuary.

That day, they taught me the gift of surrender. All I have to do is be present, and a power much greater than me takes care of the details.

Oh, and one last thing...

I had never sung to horses before, but I highly recommend it if you ever get the opportunity. 

Dear Mom...

May 28, 2013

Dear Mom,

Thank you for the birthday pot that you bought me last month!  Please tell Dad that I nurtured my inner farm-girl and planted some basil. 

I think it likes being by the piano window. I’ve been writing a lot of new songs this Spring, and my basil and roses and all the plant-clan near that window have really flourished.

With that in mind, I've had some thoughts I wanted to share...

Maybe Dad can start piping music out into the corn and bean fields. It seems to work work for my plants. He might have to refrain from playing rock music though. I’ve read some articles that plants flourish better with softer, more classical types of music. My plants have done well with piano, acoustic guitar and singing. I think his crops might like the guitar playing that he does every morning. So...instead of playing in the house by himself, he could go into the fields and play. Besides, playing to the plants and morning sun seems like a better option than being alone in the house - and if it does have a positive impact on crop yields, it’s a win-win situation. 

Just an idea I wanted to share. 

Since my basil is so robust this year, I might start giving it away at my shows. I mean, it’s high in vitamin K, pretty good in vitamin A, with a little bit of folate, calcium, iron, and magnesium. 

I figure…healthy fans  = a sustainable music career.

What do you think?

I guess you can’t get the farmer and the nurse out of the musician, can you? 

Some things just are the way they are.  

Thank you for loving me the way I am :-)

I love you and miss you lots!

Am

The story of this day...

I originally wrote this "reflection" for my newsletter on May 28, 2012. In honor of this day a year later, I would like to share it again...

Today is Memorial Day in the U.S. It is a day symbolized by flags and flowers – honoring the lives lost in war and celebrating hope of life re-emerging. As historian David Blight so eloquently writes, "War kills people and destroys human creation; but as though mocking war's devastation, flowers inevitably bloom through its ruins." 

I like to know “the story” behind tradition. Here is what I found out about this day:

Originally this day was called Decoration Day. The first account of this type of celebration was in May 1865 at the close of the Civil War. Over 600,000 soldiers died in the Civil War, and our war-torn country was left trying to heal, reunite and make sense of devastation. In Charleston, South Carolina, a city left in ruins from the war, thousands of freed slaves, black people and white people gathered in a procession. Led by children, the parade marched through what had been a slave-owners’ horse-racing course. During the war, the race course was turned into an outdoor prison camp to hold the Union soldiers fighting for emancipation. The procession ended at the gravesites of the soldiers who had died in the prison camp. The celebration marked a “first” in our history: "a procession of friends and mourners as South Carolina and the United States never saw before" (New York Tribune). It was a coming together of people – to heal, to mourn, to sing, to celebrate life. It was beginning of the ending of slavery and the reunification of our country.

One hundred forty-seven years later, we are still affected by war. I wish peace to all who suffer loss and brokenness related to war. I am grateful for our coming together. As we walk compassionately with each other through grieving and honoring, we become strong and heal. I have faith in the victory of truth and goodness of this world - where there is no more oppression, bondage, walls to love or hindering of spirits.

“We have it in our power to begin the world over.” ~Thomas Paine

I am grateful to all who give of themselves for the betterment of humanity...